Karen takes a deep, unsteady breath, nodding to herself before she starts to speak. Even knowing that there's no getting away from it now, even knowing that this will be alright, she still can't unearth any of this easily. Then again, it's basically there already. What happened tonight wasn't just in her head or a ghost in her peripheral vision. She saw other people's shit, too, which means it stands to reason that they saw hers. For that little while, Kevin — some twisted, undead version of him — was real. The thought is nearly enough to make her burst into tears all over again, but she swallows hard against the lump in her throat, and tries to figure out where the fuck to start.
"My mom died," she settles on, a roundabout opening but, she thinks, necessary context. "When I was a teenager. Cancer. I deferred college because she was sick, and then I just... didn't go, because my family needed me." Unbidden, she rolls her eyes, entirely at odds with the rest of her demeanor and expression. "We had a restaurant. Or... It was my mom's, really. My dad didn't know what to do with it. He would've bankrupted us."
It all still feels beside the point. And she probably doesn't deserve whatever defenses she could make in her favor, but it still seems like she should tell all of this the way it happened instead of jumping right to the worst of it. "I started drinking when she was sick. And then that... snowballed, and maybe a year later, I was doing coke and selling drugs with this guy I was seeing. Going out partying most nights, showing up to work hungover in the morning."
She doesn't look at him. Even knowing that he isn't likely to judge her for it, she can't bring herself to, not saying that, and not with what has to come next. "My younger brother, Kevin, he figured it out. And he undeferred me from school, which was fucking stupid, because I couldn't go, the restaurant would have gone under without me. I got mad, we all got in this big fight, I got Todd, the guy I was with, to come get me, and..." Trailing off, she huffs out a watery breath. "Kevin beat us to Todd's trailer. He'd burned the whole thing down. Todd... went crazy. Attacked him. Then me. He wouldn't've stopped, I don't think, so I — I shot him in the arm. Grabbed Kevin, drove away."
Her voice wavers more prominently, then, and she presses a hand to her mouth for a moment before she continues. "I was drunk and I was high and I shouldn't have been driving, I wouldn't have, otherwise, but..." But she hadn't seen any other choice. But she'd been trying to help, not make everything worse, only the mess was already one of her own making and it couldn't be so easily undone. "I hit a railing. The car flipped. I was okay, but... I killed him. I killed my brother."
no subject
"My mom died," she settles on, a roundabout opening but, she thinks, necessary context. "When I was a teenager. Cancer. I deferred college because she was sick, and then I just... didn't go, because my family needed me." Unbidden, she rolls her eyes, entirely at odds with the rest of her demeanor and expression. "We had a restaurant. Or... It was my mom's, really. My dad didn't know what to do with it. He would've bankrupted us."
It all still feels beside the point. And she probably doesn't deserve whatever defenses she could make in her favor, but it still seems like she should tell all of this the way it happened instead of jumping right to the worst of it. "I started drinking when she was sick. And then that... snowballed, and maybe a year later, I was doing coke and selling drugs with this guy I was seeing. Going out partying most nights, showing up to work hungover in the morning."
She doesn't look at him. Even knowing that he isn't likely to judge her for it, she can't bring herself to, not saying that, and not with what has to come next. "My younger brother, Kevin, he figured it out. And he undeferred me from school, which was fucking stupid, because I couldn't go, the restaurant would have gone under without me. I got mad, we all got in this big fight, I got Todd, the guy I was with, to come get me, and..." Trailing off, she huffs out a watery breath. "Kevin beat us to Todd's trailer. He'd burned the whole thing down. Todd... went crazy. Attacked him. Then me. He wouldn't've stopped, I don't think, so I — I shot him in the arm. Grabbed Kevin, drove away."
Her voice wavers more prominently, then, and she presses a hand to her mouth for a moment before she continues. "I was drunk and I was high and I shouldn't have been driving, I wouldn't have, otherwise, but..." But she hadn't seen any other choice. But she'd been trying to help, not make everything worse, only the mess was already one of her own making and it couldn't be so easily undone. "I hit a railing. The car flipped. I was okay, but... I killed him. I killed my brother."